This iconic statement represented most of my adolescent life.
I spent every spare moment of my day reading fantasy books, watching Disney movies, and romanticizing about living my own fairy tale, complete with my Prince Charming riding up on his white horse and whisking me away to some faraway land. If it had fairies, elves, trolls, princesses, a magical world, I was in, often playing sick from school to finish the book that had kept me awake most of the night.
I can’t say for certain when I slowly started drawing away from the happiness these things brought me. The realities of living in the world in front of me, instead of the amazing kingdoms of my books, eventually slowed my imagination down. My colouring, drawing, writing books and poems, dwindled away, as my need to find a job, be responsible, and take care of important things increased.
It wasn’t until last year, when life was at it’s bleakest for me, that the Tamara I used to be, needed to be released in order to heal.
I became a young Mom at twenty, didn’t finish high school or post secondary, lived close to the poverty line, racked up so much debt it could feed a small country, yet somehow managed to find a way to drink my worries away most days of the week. There was a point where I couldn’t believe this was my life.
By the age of eight my son was talking about killing himself, by grade six he was hospitalized for a week for cutting himself in school, and the next few years would become the darkest and hardest, not only for me, but my incredible and troubled son. We spent more time in hospitals, going to therapy appointments, travelling between home and the residence, and eventually learning about the court system the hard way.
Even though I loved my job as a Personal Trainer, my life was hard. I had to quit my job at Goodlife and focus on building my training business from home to be close to my son. I had to cancel and shift sessions any time things got out of control, which made me feel unprofessional and stuck in my ability to grow my business. I made this choice and I would make it again, because by far, my love for my son far outweighed anything else in my life.
During his grade 7 year, I became a single parent for the second time, caring not only for my son, but my beautiful daughter as well. I do not blame anyone but I did not have a huge outpouring of support. I learned to be strong on my own. I didn’t really want to be strong.
The Universe heard my call for help and sent me my Prince Charming. I remember when I met him I thought for sure something was going to give at any time. How could I be so lucky? I honestly believed that at any point the rug was going to get pulled out from underneath me. I thought when he saw how chaotic and overwhelming my life was, he would run. Most guys did. He did not.
The next few years for us as a couple were both magical and challenging. We blended four kids together, bought a house, worked on building a strong foundation, and reached our maximum capacity in helping my son.
Things got really bad. Details aren’t necessary. In July of 2015 I had to make the hardest decision of my life, and that was to break up with my son. I had no idea what that meant, how hard it would be, but I knew that what was going on between us, could not continue. He was seventeen.
The next few months went by in a trance for me. I had spent all day, every day, worrying about him, thinking about him, making appointments, going to appointments, picking him up when he got down. I had no idea who I was anymore or what I wanted to do. I had been on autopilot for so long, that having the freedom to think about doing what I wanted was almost too much for me to handle.
There were some dark days for me where I couldn’t even move. I felt paralyzed in fear. How could I do this to my own son, what had I done, where would I go now, how could I continue as if nothing had happened. Being strong for him forced me to go through the motions each day, now I had no reason to get up and do my daily chores. Everything felt like a struggle.
So I started meditating to calm me down. I would lie on the couch or in bed, look on You Tube for healing or calming meditations, press play and most often I would fall asleep. I still figured something good had to be happening since I often felt better when I got up. I even started referring to this practice as medi-napping.
Slowly I realized how important meditating was becoming. In the peaceful moments, when all else disappeared, I could hear and see images that came from somewhere I have never been before.
What transpired over the next few months was an intensive self discovery and education on what was happening. I was already part of Leonie Dawson’s Biz/Life Academy, so I started working through the incredible courses and material she offered. I signed up for a 3 month Awakening Hearts Mastermind with Alixe K Tracey which helped me become the intuitive I am today. I began A Course in Miracles every other Monday to delve deeper into what purpose we all have here on Earth. I was changing. I was becoming the me I was put here to be.
The beginning of The Enchanted Fairy came more as a means than an end. When I knew I wanted to be able to help, heal, love and motivate as many people around the world as possible, the only option that made sense for me was Marie Forleo’s BSchool. I say this because, when everything went down last year, I started following some pretty amazing people, Danielle LaPorte, Gabby Bernstein, Natalie MacNeil, Kari Samuels, and when February rolled around, each of them was telling me that BSchool was the place to be. I was amazed at seeing such support from all the people who were impacting me at that time. I was sold.
BSchool is not cheap, but it is definitely worth it. It has changed my world completely. However, as a family of six people, finding loose money for an incredible, but slightly costly course is not all that viable. I needed to think of something to do to create the income in order to justify signing up. My beautiful daughters came up with the craft show/bake sale and before you knew it I was making polymer clay fairy houses and glass bowl fairy gardens.
It was at a craft show that it happened completely, the transformation to the real me. I watched people walk by my fairy table, I could see them eyeing the child like clay houses and doors, their eyes lighting up at how cute they were, I could feel the connection to their memories, but something would stop them. Something would happen and the look would disappear, and they would shuffle off with a scowl. It was in this moment that I knew I wanted to bring magic back to the world. To help people connect to their inner child and joy.
It was right after this that The Enchanted Fairy began. I realized everything I had been doing in the past year was actually steering me towards this epiphany all along. It was as if when I made the decision to create a life based on love, magic and helping others, the Universe took a deep breath and sighed, finally. Everything made sense all of a sudden and I knew my mission was to bring people back to their soul gifts and help them find meaning and purpose in their lives.
One of my friends said it best when I was asking around at what my fairy name should be. She said “I knew you were a fairy all along, you’ve always been a fairy”.
I believe that now.
Love and Magic,