The Pain of Rebirth
It’s hard to believe that it was only a year ago that I boarded a plane to an event that would ultimately cause me to go into a tailspin of imposter syndrome.
What’s even crazier to imagine, is that I am sitting at the airport, waiting to jump on a plane to take me back to the very same event one year later.
To help give you an idea of how hard I fell last year, let me tell this story.
On the car ride to the airport today, my husband told me to call him when I got to the hotel.
It immediately gave me a flashback to calling him last year after my first full day at the event. I was a mess. When my husband picked up the phone I was crying so hard that he couldn’t understand a word I was saying.
When I settled down enough to sound even a little logical, the only thing I could get out was, “I’m fucked”. Those were my exact words. Just saying.
It felt as though everything I had done in the first sixteen months of my business was wrong and that I was too new naive and new to be in the same room as these people.
How could I go from broke with creditors calling in late 2016, to standing in a room with amazing entrepreneurs I had seen speaking on stages in just shy of a year and a half?
My psyche couldn’t keep up with where I was.
Even though I had wrote 2 books and launched a business, my mind kept telling me I didn’t belong where I was.
That I was failing.
That I didn’t know what I was doing.
That I wasn’t as good as these people.
It was rough.
In truth it took me more than a few months to build myself up from that experience.
I had bought the ticket to imposter island and couldn’t see a direct route to get off.
Yet my desire to make a difference by shifting one human’s energy body at a time continued.
There was never a doubt in my mind that I was doing important work in the world.
That my mission was bigger than ego wanted me to believe.
So as the year continued, instead of seeing this event as something that would swallow my belief in myself, I saw it as a rebirth.
A way to show up as the physical self who was present last year, but this time with an emotional self that had evolved.
Through the emotions of discomfort, limiting thoughts, and fear.
Because it is through the darkness that we see the light.
And having experienced such incredible separation, I was able to see oneness.
The truth of our existence is born from dropping in to the pockets of shadow.
Wherever you are in the journey, know it is that.
A journey into the depth of your inner landscape.
To find the truth that is shining a light on your path.
It may feel challenging at times.
As though you can’t see the way through.
Know that an entrepreneurs journey goes deeper than most.
It is the choice we make when we step forward to serve humanity with our light.
Know that you are not alone.
If you want support in your journey, I am here.
The Chakra Business Academy and the lightworkers in the world are here.
You can have someone to walk the path with.
And it can be beautiful, magical, and freeing.
And remember that you are love, and you are loved.
Happy Soulful Saturday,