How deciding to move has saved my marriage.
If you could get an award for having the most stressful six years together as a couple, Jeff and I may be gold medalists.
It’s hard to believe that we only met August 2012.
It all began like any other normal relationship, until…
We decided after six months to sell both our houses and find one together.
Yep. Six months.
If you know one thing about me, it’s that when I make a decision I go all in, no time wasted.
Jeff is the man for me? Check. Let’s buy property together.
So after a six month fairytale beginning, we gallantly tried to sell two houses at the same time with similar closing dates.
And although we achieved that, there were offers lost, and many sleepless nights.
Now let’s talk about this house, the one we bought together, and why selling it is saving my marriage.
When we moved in to this house the day before our one year anniversary, it seemed as though waking up together in our new house, on our anniversary was the ultimate fairy tale dream come true.
And it was.
But not for long.
After merging both Jeff’s kids and my kids in to this house, my first born would soon find out that what he was able to get away with before we moved, would not be possible here.
Unbeknownst to us, he had spent many nights slipping out in to the night before we moved, and this house was not as easily figured out.
His behaviours and mental illness spiralled out of control.
And before too long, things escalated to full blown suicidal tendencies and Jeff and I taking turns staying awake to make sure that my son wasn’t causing harm to himself or the house.
Then one day I walked in to the laundry room and found my son with a chair and a cord.
And a part of me broke.
Please not in this house.
That was my first thought after the hardest emotional year I’ve ever known.
We went back to the hospital. This time for a week. It wasn’t enough. We weren’t ready for him to come home.
We asked him to get help. He declined.
And with that my son chose living on the streets over seeking help and coming home.
He was sixteen.
Things got worse.
I spiralled in to my own depression.
How could I let my son live on the streets?!
How did this happen?
But a year later, when something happened that could not be ignored, I broke up with my son.
My depression deepened.
And all the while, Jeff tried to keep it together and keep everything afloat.
Yet he had begun an internal struggle that he was barely keeping hold of.
And as I began to crawl out of my darkness, and my son and I forged a new relationship, something had snapped in Jeff.
The stress of everything he had witness affected him and he had no where to go. No one to talk to.
And when my business began to take off, and we decided to have him leave work, he hit an emotional wall.
He shut down and closed up shop.
It was now his time to feel the deep sadness of being the strong one for so long.
It’s been two years.
Two long years of going in to the dark for Jeff and not being able to see the light.
Last Friday we threw selling this house out in conversation, and something shifted.
By Saturday the realtor was over.
For three days Jeff cried tears of relief.
A dam had been broken inside him and a wall that had been built crumbled.
And after five years and three depressions, this house in bathed in light again.
And we all have hope.
Managing life isn’t always easy, especially where the ones we love is concerned, but it is worth it.
Some couples may not have made it through what Jeff and I have.
There was more than one occasion when things with my son were so bad Jeff thought about leaving.
And through these last two years, even I fantasizes about leaving.
But the love we feel for each other is greater than the chaos.
It is greater than the sadness.
And it is definitely worth fighting for.
And even with this all happening in the background, I still built a business that made half a million dollars in two years.
I still wrote three books in the last two years.
Because creating the space within yourself means that you show up differently.
You don’t allow the external world to throw your stardust out of whack.
Solutions are always present.
Because they are found within you.
I talked about the power of the root chakra in last Monday’s podcast. This is where family and community reside.
I’m sharing it here because it goes with what this email is about and I know it will help someone.
You are such a bright light, and things may not always be easy, but they can always be grounded in to who you are.
Happy Soulful Sunday (even though the heading says Saturday).