BAD CREDIT BIT OUR ASS (or did it)

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As you know, I’m not afraid to drop it like it’s hot in real time for you all.

This past week has been a true lesson in letting the Universe do its thing, without getting attached to any outcomes.

Over the past couple years being the sole person working in my family, and not understanding how to save for my business taxes, my credit is a hot mess.

It’s one of the reasons why my husband and I are selling our house.

Missed credit card payments, unpaid 2017 taxes making my credit rating look like a broken down house in need of repair.

Which made me feel super self conscious about trying to find a rental to move to.

I knew if someone ran my name, the computer would turn red with WARNING, ABORT MISSION written across the screen. (Ok, it’s not that bad, but that’s what my head was telling me).

Last weekend, on Good Friday, Jeff and I went to see a new build townhome to rent after our house closed.

It felt like the perfect house.

As I handed the documents over to the nice man who worked for the leasing company, I asked him not to judge me based on my credit.

Here’s the thing.

He was awesome. He told me a story about how the company he worked for took a couple years to take off as well.

That his boss sold a rental to pay off his credit cards and get his credit back.

It felt like everything was going to be ok.

By Monday we had a rent receipt.

Tuesday we signed the lease.

Wednesday Jeff called all the utilities to let them know our new address.

After work we went for a walk, and when we got home I picked up my phone and there was a message from the gentleman at the leasing company that simply said.

“Urgent. Call me when you get this.”

In that moment, reading that message, a wash of fight or flight hormones flooded my body.

Pressing the call button, my stomach was in knots.

And then it happened.

“We tried everything we could but the landlord just didn’t feel comfortable renting to you with your bad credit”.

It felt as though I’d been punched in the stomach.

My greatest fear reflected back to me.

I sat there numbly listening as the nice man explained that the leasing company had our back, that they would do everything they could to get us a house.

Thursday and Friday I was supposed to be in Toronto for an event.

I sat like a weight in my favourite chair trying to decide if I was going to go.

The war between what was best for me going on in my head.

My heart felt like it said no, but was that my ego talking? Do I go and hope the love of community would help? So many questions and thoughts bombarded me.

I grabbed my journal and asked what I needed.

The answer was to go within.

To get quiet.

To ground in to my being and know that everything was ok

In that moment I knew I needed to stay home.

Thursday evening we went to look at a place through the leasing company.

I wanted to believe that it was going to be the perfect house and the reason I stayed home from the event.

It was awful.

I’m not sugar coating when I say it was a disgusting disaster of disarray and disorder.

I felt deflated.

Here’s the thing.

We had told EVERYONE we got the other place.

We had switched the utilities.

Friends, family, Facebook all believed we were moving to this beautiful new build.

And my credit had come down and wiped it all out from underneath us.

Yet through it all I KNEW there was something better coming.

I KNEW that the Universe had my back.

I BELIEVED WITH MY WHOLE HEART THAT THIS WAS FOR MY HIGHEST GOOD.

So when I browsed the rental ads when we got home and saw the house I really wanted, that I had seen a few days before, I got excited again.

When I called them to see if the house was still available, the landlord told us to come right then.

When we decided to move, we had a checklist of things we wanted.

This house had it all.

Close to downtown, walking distance to Montebello Park and the Market.

New kitchen with massive island.

Beautiful open space.

And we got it.

We move in the same day we would have moved in to the other place.

This house was why we had to lose the other house.

It’s perfect for our family and this season of our lives.

It may have been the most intense 24 hours, but the Universe was at play the whole time.

I trusted that with every ounce of my being.

Know If you are going through something similar, I feel you.

The road doesn’t always seem smooth, or paved.

Yet if you trust in the destination, and that your God has your back, amazing things can happen.

The most important part is not to close down after you think you have lost something.

But to remain open for the gift that is coming.

Your physical body is going to feel all the feels, be present with it to feel them.

Keep yourself open to the love that is still flowing in.

There is magic in moments, even the difficult ones.

Jamie Clampet